
Rube's Family 




«46 




DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 
NEW YORK. 









PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

15 CENTS EACH 

F 

CRANFOKD DAMES. 2 Scenes; \\& hours 8 

GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 

CHEERFUL. COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 

LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; \y A hours 6 

MURDER WILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; 1J4 hours 4 

SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 

OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 4 

SWEET FAMILY. 1 Act; 1 hour 8 

BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours 30 

PRINCESS KIKU. (35 cents) 13 

RAINBOW KIMON A. (25 cents.) 2 Acts; \% hours 9 

MERRY OLD MAIDS. (25 cents.) Motion Song 11 

PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

J5 CENTS EACH 

M 

APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 30 minutes 3 

BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40 minutes 6 

DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WANTED, \ MAHATMA. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour 9 

MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes 7 

NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 

WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 

PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 

HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 

CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2 hours.... 28 

DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 

GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 

RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; 1^ hours 24 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N Y. 




RUBE'S FAMILY 



a Abonolodue 



BY 

WILLIAM AND JOSEPHINE GILES 

AUTHORS OF UNCLE Sl'S PREDICAMENT, HOOSIER SCHOOL, A BACHELOR* 
ELOPEMENT, BILL JONES, ETC- 



Copyright, 19H, by 
DICK & FITZGERALD 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 






1 6*1>* 



TMP92-009245 
( 

JUL -7 1914 

C)C!.D 37377 

VU>1 



RUBE'S FAMILY 



' Rube. Did you know I was married? Yes, I'm married, I 
married a woman, I'm better looking then she is, she's 
good lookin' though. You see, Pap and Ma didn't want me to 
marry my wife, they wanted me to marry in the Jones family, 
but I couldn't figure it out how to marry in the Jones family 
for they are all fellers, and old farmer Jones is still livin' with 
his wife, I couldn't marry her, so it was too darn deep for me, 
and I just went and married Tilda Dolittle, she had the money, 
and I thought it was a good chance, so Tilda and I got married. 
About two weeks before Christmas the doctor told me Tilda 
would have to be operated on, and I thought that I would just 
have it done for a Christmas gift, so I done Tilda up and sent 
her to the hospital labelled with a tab which read, "Not to 
be opened till Christmas." 

My Ma, oh, yes, I wanted to tell you about Ma, you know 
Ma don't you, well anyhow you know Ma, she's Pap's 
wife yes you see Pap he got married too like a darn fool. 
It seems as though all of our family are gettin' married, yes, 
you see Ma she's married now, yes she went and married Pap. 
The other day Ma, she went down street, and she passed by old 
Si Perkins harness shop, and just as Ma was going by a horse 
collar that Perkins had hanging out in front of his shop fell 
right around Ma's neck, yes, sir, the darn collar fell right 
around her neck, Pap he said I suppose it thought that's where 
it belonged, for Ma had so much wagon to her tongue. 

Pap, of course you know Pap, you see he's the feller I was 
telling you about that married Ma, you see we live on the 
farm, of course I wanted to tell you that for you wouldn't know 
it unless I'd tell you, well anyhow you see Pap he's a little tired 
of the farm, and went to the city to get a job. You can imagine 
Pap in the city, but Pap he went all right, and went to a factory ; 
he went into the office, they were several people working 
around in the office, men and women, so Pap he stood around 

3 



a Rube's Family- 

waiting for the boss to come when he noticed a sign on the wall 
which read, " If you want to know who's boss here start some- 
thing," and Pap like a darn fool started to sing, then everybody 
in that office was boss. Pap he woke up about three days after 
that. Pap he likes the farm now. 

My sister Sue, you know Sue, you see she's Pap's daughter 
on Ma's side, so that makes Sue and me brother and sister on 
Ma and Pap's side both, now to explain it clearer so you will 
understand it plainer, you see Ma she's my Ma and Sue's Ma 
too, and Pap he married Ma and Sue and me are Pap's children 
and Pap he's Ma's husband — and — and well — Sue she's got a 
city chap for a feller, you see he comes down to spark Sue, 
and you see Pap he's kinder turned against the city since he put 
his face in for a job so he chases Sue's feller every time he sees 
him around the farm. Pap he went over to old farmer Brown's 
the other day, and it happened that Sue's feller come down to 
see her, and they were standing out at the front gate talking 
and Pap he come home, and Pap seen him, and I made a run for 
the barn for I knowed what was coming, so Pap he went run- 
ning to the house, and out he come with the shot gun, and Sue's 
feller seen Pap coming, he grabbed his hat in his hand and 
started down the road, Pap he up with the shot gun and let 
that city chap have it, yes, sir, Pap shot him. {Laughs) Pap 
shot him right in — (Laughs) the middle of the road. You 
see Pap he's a little near-sighted, and just then the preacher 
come up through the gate and Pap he thought it was Sue's 
feller coming back, and Pap up with the gun and shot the 
preacher. (Laughs) Yes shot the preacher right in the — 
(Laughs) in — the front gate. The preacher he yelled and went 
around the — the house a running and Pap after him, and just as 
Pap turned the corner of the house, old Mrs. Brown was going 
down through our back yard, and Pap he up with the shot gun 
and shot Mrs. Brown, (Laughs) yes, sir, Pap shot Mrs. Brown 
right in the, (Laughs) back-gate. Pap then went running 
around the house, and Ma was out shutting up the hen house, 
and Pap he thought it was some one trying to steal our 
chickens, so Pap he up with the gun and shot, and don't you 
know he missed Ma, and shot my old pet hen — (Laughs) yes, 
sir, Pap shot my pet hen right in the — (Laughs) hen-house. 
Ma had her for dinner the next day and the preacher was 
there and he asked for the piece that went over the fence last, 
Ma said she was sorry but we couldn't find it. 

CURTAIN. 





MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 10 

PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2J4 hours.. 10 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1% hours 9 

ISABEL., THE PEARL. OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 
BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2J4 hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2M hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE . 3 Acts ; 2 hours 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2}4 hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 

FROM PUNKLN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; lhour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 *" 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 4 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 horns 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1^< hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1^ hours 1 1 

OVER THE GARDEN W ALL. (15 cents) 11 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 





COMEDIES AND 016 ^ 

25 CENTS EACH 



BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; 2 hours 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting.... 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours 

DEACON. 5Acts; 2^ hours 

DELEGATES EROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes. 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acts;2hours 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 

ESCAPED EROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2% hours 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1^ hours..-. 

JAIL BIRD. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2\i hours 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 6 Acts; 2% hours 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2% hours 

WHAT'S NEXT? 8 Acts; 2\i hours 

WHITE LIE. 4 Acts; 2% hours 



325 A 

m. r. 

6 3 

11 6 

9 3 

9 4 

8 6 

3 10 

6 5 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2*4 hours 11 3 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 6 3 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2% hours.... 5 3 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2\i hours. 9 3 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 




